Secret Lives of Army Wives

I entered this new world when I agreed to marry my fiancé, a wonderful man who was at the time living in Seattle and stationed at Ft. Lewis. I was living in Illinois where I had spent my entire 35 years up to that time. I had honestly believed that I would never leave my hometown, much less find someone to marry and start a family with. But I met my future husband and all bets were off—I quit my job as an executive director of a statewide trade association where I had been for eight years, sold the most adorable first and only house I had ever purchased on my own in this great little neighborhood, packed up several tons of possessions that made my fiancé, the non-packrat, cringe in horror as box after box after carton after piece of furniture filled a 26 foot super-mover U-haul, and carted one very large dog and one screaming and howling cat to Leavenworth, Kansas. Leavenworth, Kansas, a place I had heard of but one I had to look for on a map to figure out where my new home actually was! I found a new job before the ink was even dry on the loan papers for our new house, not because I needed to, majors in the Army make pretty decent money for a couple without kids, but because I was compelled to contribute. I had been up to that point a woman who offered to pay for dinner on dates and popcorn for two at a movie (probably explains why I had been single up to that point in my life!) But not only did I feel the need to contribute, I was pretty sure that I would be bored out my mind if I did not find something to do with my days. 

I look back to my move into this Army town, and I blush with embarrassment at my naiveté as I stood on the threshold of my new life and what I saw as my new status—I was going to be an Army wife! I had high expectations, which looking back on I have no idea where my expectations came from.  But in my mind’s eye I had this lovely picture of welcoming women trailing young children, flocking to my front door with pies and cakes and cookies. They would eagerly ask lots of questions, wanting to know where we had come from and what we were doing here. I had my speech prepared like some self-absorbed Hollywood diva thanking the academy. I would smile grandly, laugh self-consciously, asking for forgiveness for the mess–”Oh, you know how it is when the movers come through” I would say, with my hand pressed to my heart. We would share a knowing laugh as we oohd and ahhhd over the capriciousness of their children frolicking through my boxes and packing cartons. They would all smile sympathetically because we were all sisters in this private club called the Army. We were the women behind the men. 

My early days as a member of the Army wives club were pretty lonely. There was no welcoming committee with pies and cakes and frolicking children. Despite the fact that my neighborhood was made up largely of active duty and retired Army families, it would be several months before I was able to peer through the windows of the private clubhouse and a few more months before I would be invited to cross the threshold. But soon I had my feet up on the couch and a cool drink in hand as I made the clubhouse a place I wanted to be and my new friends and comrades-in-arms, my fellow Army wives, people that I knew would be with me for the rest of my life.  

This is my first foray into the world of blogging. Frankly I have paid only limited attention to the whole concept. Yeah, I know where have I been for the last few years? As a writer I should be a seasoned blogger long before now. Well that is perhaps a different story for a different day. But before I travel much further in this brave new world, I should probably clarify what I mean by the title “Secret Lives of Army Wives”. If you are looking for hot steamy discussions and gossip about some dark underbelly of the Army and its subculture of spouses, keep on clicking that mouse my friend. Those secrets are not mine to tell. Instead, what I hope to be able to convey is that what most people don’t see. What people know about the Army is limited to what has populated the news media over the last several years. The media focus largely on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the men and women who are there fighting. But for every soldier ‘in the sand box’, there is someone waiting for them, who’s life has been turned upside down. Wives, husbands, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers, spend months and years separated from loved ones, living under the constant fear that the knock on the door will one day come and the person on the other side, silver badges glittering in the sun and a look of lingering dread in his eyes, will reach out a hand and ask to come in. This often unspoken fear is just one of many secrets kept closely guarded by Army families. The lonlieness of long deployments and short training exercises, the separation that is just a part of growing up an Army brat, the moves from school to school, the demands of making new friends are all challenges Army families face every few years. But there is also the excitement of a new place, sometimes a new country, new people, and new traditions, and perhaps most importantly, the network of friends that no matter how far apart you may find yourselves, you know that one phone call and they would be by your side in heart beat. All of these things are a part of the secret lives of Army families. They don’t talk about it, because it just is.

I began my journey, and yes I see it as a journey (isn’t life a journey?) as an Army wife in September of 2006. I do not kid myself. I know that my introduction to the life of an Army wife has been cake compared to many. But already I find I have my own little bag of secrets that I look forward to sharing with those of you who are interested in “the Secret Lives of Army Wives!”